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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24211990">a piece called you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/moondanse/pseuds/moondanse'>moondanse</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Royalty, Childhood Friends, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Angst, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Painter Huang Ren Jun, Prince Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, doil if you squint, i promise it’s not that dark!!!!, past luren and markhyuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:21:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,441</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24211990</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/moondanse/pseuds/moondanse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Prince Donghyuck has grown up. </p><p>He looks older now - more, well, princely than ever before - and Renjun is a bit floored by how well it suits him. Round baby cheeks have been replaced by a smooth, defined jawline. Where messy curls once stuck out in every direction, now sits a perfect swoop of golden brown hair. Even Donghyuck’s stature is more elegant, limbs long and shoulders broad.</p><p>So much has changed. Renjun doubts whether this is the same person he grew up with; surely this is some kind of imposter? The Donghyuck he knows was never this put together. </p><p>The Donghyuck he knows was never this handsome.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>381</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a piece called you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello!!! welcome to this mess of a fic! i started this literally five months ago, wrote 2k of it and then abandoned it until i decided to pick it back up again last week. that + the non-linear narrative (you can blame me watching little women in theaters three times for that one) may make it seem a little disjointed, so i hope it comes across smoothly. please let me know what you think! it's my first time trying something in this style, so any and all feedback is appreciated!</p><p><b>WARNING:</b> this fic includes <b>references to child abuse</b> and <b>homophobia</b>. there is no explicit violence, but if you want to skip the discussions of the abuse, it is most prominent in the the section labeled <i>APRIL 9, 2018</i>.</p><p>shout out to my tline for encouraging me to finish this, especially <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/mullethyuck">ash</a> (who i bothered basically 24/7 with my ideas for this until i finished it) and <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/howoozidan">bianca</a> (who helped me name it)! i love you all and i hope this fic destroys you :-)</p><p>enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b> <em>APRIL 4, 2018</em> </b>
</p><p>Prince Donghyuck has grown up. </p><p>He looks older now - more, well, <em> princely </em>than ever before - and Renjun is a bit floored by how well it suits him. Round baby cheeks have been replaced by a smooth, defined jawline. Where messy curls once stuck out in every direction, now sits a perfect swoop of golden brown hair. Even Donghyuck’s stature is more elegant, limbs long and shoulders broad.</p><p>So much has changed. Renjun doubts whether this is the same person he grew up with; surely this is some kind of imposter? The Donghyuck he knows was never this put together. </p><p>The Donghyuck he knows was never this <em> handsome.  </em></p><p>“Injunnie,” the imposter speaks, and Renjun freezes. It sounds like Donghyuck’s voice, only deeper and a little huskier, as if someone has rubbed it in sandpaper. “You came!”</p><p>So much has changed, but the way Donghyuck’s eyes light up with happiness is all too familiar. Renjun feels the beginnings of a blush start to crawl up his neck.</p><p>“Yeah… it’s, um, good to see you,” he says. He tries not to let his eyes roam too much, but it’s been five years since he’s seen Donghyuck in the flesh, and there’s a lot to take in.</p><p>Donghyuck’s face lights up in a grin. Words tumble out of his mouth like a waterfall: “You too! I’m so glad you’re here; I thought for sure Father would reject my request, but here you are! I can’t wait to get started. Wow, we have so much to catch up on!”</p><p>Renjun’s brow furrows. Request? What request? “Uh… get started on what?” he asks.</p><p>“Oh, they didn’t tell you?” Donghyuck cocks his head to the side, perplexed, and Renjun shakes his head. His mother hadn’t told him anything when she dragged him along to the castle; he figured she just wanted him to visit an old friend. Though now that he thinks about it, she had been rather persistent. </p><p>Donghyuck gasps. “Injunnie.” He grabs both of Renjun’s hands and holds them up to his chest, eyes sparkling with excitement. “Will you paint my portrait?”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>SEPTEMBER 10, 2006</em> </b>
</p><p>Renjun stares with wide eyes at the vast palace before him. He’s never seen anything quite so big and grand before; the ceiling looks impossibly tall and everything is so <em> shiny. </em>He clings to his mother’s hand in awe, traipsing after her through the entrance hall. </p><p>“Right this way, Madam.” A tall man in a fancy suit leads them through a series of hallways. Renjun can hardly believe so many rooms exist within one building - it feels like they’re winding through a maze of gold trim and plush carpets. It’s nothing like the humble two-room apartment he and his mother live in, that’s for sure. </p><p>His mother squeezes his hand as they finally reach their destination. Renjun doesn’t know much about the royal family, just that they’ve got two sons and lots of money. The money is what they’re really here for, though Renjun has heard one of the sons is around his age. The thought of meeting him makes him nervous. What are princes like?</p><p>He pictures a snooty, polished kid in his mind - the kind of rich bully you see in cartoons. Renjun shivers and his mother gives his hand another squeeze, sensing his apprehension. </p><p>But he quickly learns that Prince Donghyuck is nothing of the sort. He greets Renjun with enthusiasm, even complimenting his choice in t-shirt and making him blush. At first he has a bit of difficulty pronouncing his name, so Renjun tells him he can use his Korean name, Injun, if it’s easier. </p><p>“Okay, Injunnie!” Donghyuck smiles warm and bright, and Renjun wonders what he was so scared about in the first place. “And you don’t hafta call me Prince or Your Highness or whatever. I hate that boring stuff. Call me Hyuckie!”</p><p>Renjun sends his own warm smile in return. “Okay, Hyuckie.”</p><p>While the adults talk business, the two boys explore the castle. Donghyuck eagerly drags him to his room to show off his stuffed animal collection. Renjun is thoroughly impressed - it’s at least three times the size of his back home, though he doesn’t tell Donghyuck that. </p><p>“Is your mommy gonna work here?” Donghyuck asks, fastening a sheet around Renjun’s neck like a cape. </p><p>“I dunno,” Renjun responds. “She’s a artist. I think she’s gonna paint for your parents. She said I can come with when she does.”</p><p>“Ohhh,” Donghyuck nods. “So she’s the new painting lady! I dunno why, but we get paintings of our whole family every year. It’s so boring. You hafta sit still for like a whole day! Sometimes lotsa days!”</p><p>Renjun scrunches his nose up in distaste. That <em> does </em>sound boring. “Well… that means I can come play a lot of times, right?”</p><p>Donghyuck looks absolutely thrilled at this revelation. He finishes tying Renjun’s cape and pulls him into a big hug. </p><p>“Yes!” he exclaims. “We’re gonna be such good friends, Injunnie.”</p><p>When it’s time to leave, Renjun finds that he doesn’t want to go. His mother only manages to coax him out to the car with a promise of ice cream for dessert, and another visit soon. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>AUGUST 19, 2008</em> </b>
</p><p>“Okay, okay, now do Doyoung hyung!” Donghyuck giggles, tugging on Renjun’s arm with the urgency of an impatient child. Renjun gives a small, sly smile to his friend before turning back to the sheet of paper on his lap. He readies his pencil and bites his bottom lip, tongue poking out in concentration. </p><p>A few swift strokes and the doodle comes to life, Doyoung’s surly expression frowning at them from the page. Renjun adds as many details as he can remember, trying to picture the young butler in his mind's eye. Donghyuck bursts into a fit of laughter and Renjun follows, feeling pleased. </p><p>“It looks just like him!” Donghyuck nearly screeches. “I can almost hear him going, ‘Prince Donghyuck, sit up straight’ or ‘Prince Donghyuck, how many times do I have to tell you to use your inside voice?’”</p><p>Renjun laughs at the exaggerated deep voice Donghyuck uses to imitate Doyoung, feeling his cheeks flush with happiness. He puts his hands on his hips and turns up his nose: “Prince Donghyuck, don’t track mud into the castle—”</p><p>“Prince Donghyuck.”</p><p>The boys freeze, looking up from where they’re huddled together on the floor. Doyoung stares down at them, wholly unamused. </p><p>A hand darts out and grabs Renjun’s wrist, pulling him up and away. “Run!” Donghyuck says in a flurry of giggles, and Renjun has no choice but to oblige. </p><p>They’re small and swift enough to make an escape (for now), finally collapsing together on Donghyuck’s bed in a pile of laughter and limbs. Renjun knows that Doyoung will only chastise them later, but he doesn’t really care. Playing with Donghyuck is fun; making him laugh is fun. </p><p>He wishes he could spend forever making Donghyuck laugh. </p><p>Soon enough his mother comes to collect him. Renjun hates saying goodbye, never knowing when he’ll have another chance to come play. He sticks a sticky-note to Donghyuck’s shoulder as they hug goodbye - it’s another drawing, this time of the prince himself. Donghyuck looks at it and giggles. Renjun grins. </p><p>“See you later, Hyuckie!” He waves, ignoring the way Donghyuck’s guards are ushering him out of the room. Donghyuck peeks around the mass of bodies, stretching as tall as his tiptoes will allow him, and waves back. </p><p>“Bye bye, Injunnie!”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>APRIL 4, 2018</em> </b>
</p><p>The atmosphere in the room is awkward. Donghyuck sits atop a red velvet chair, fidgeting ever so slightly as if he still hasn’t grown accustomed to sitting still. Renjun has spent the last ten minutes staring blankly at his canvas. He’s unsure where to begin. He’s drawn Donghyuck thousands of times, but never like this. </p><p>There’s so much he wants to ask. Why did Donghyuck request for him to paint his portrait? Why now? What has he been up to these past five years; what does he plan on doing next? Does he have a girlfriend? A boyfriend?</p><p>Did he miss him?</p><p>Despite Renjun’s burning curiosity, his lips remain tightly sealed as he fiddles with his paintbrush. It feels wrong, to sit in silence with him like this. Being with Donghyuck is supposed to feel open and comfortable. But the air around them is stifling, and Renjun has to focus on breathing evenly. </p><p>Donghyuck speaks up first: “I thought you’d be happy to see me.”</p><p>It’s obvious from the somber tone of his voice and how he’s picking at the hem of his suit jacket that Donghyuck is sad. Renjun blushes, feeling guilty and caught off guard. He waves his paintbrush in protest. </p><p>“I-I am!” he shouts, perhaps a little too loud. “It’s just… it’s been a while. I’m not sure what to say.” He sheepishly scratches at the back of his neck, too shy to look up at the prince before him. </p><p>“Mmm,” Donghyuck hums, moving to rest his chin in his hands. “...why didn’t you come visit?”</p><p>Renjun should have been prepared for this question. Of course Donghyuck would wonder why their friendship suddenly fell off the face of the Earth. Renjun often wonders the same thing. </p><p>“Oh, um…” This is mortifying. Renjun feels like he’s disappointed his best friend, even though he and Donghyuck primarily ran in different social circles outside of their little playdates. “My mom… she stopped bringing me with her on jobs once I got old enough to stay home by myself. I wanted to come, but…” he trails off. How can he explain to Donghyuck that he doesn’t feel worthy of being a prince’s friend? That once he wasn’t forced to tag along, it felt like he wasn’t welcome?</p><p>Confusion paints Donghyuck’s face, and Renjun feels his heart clench. </p><p>Another awkward stretch of silence passes. Donghyuck looks deep in thought, clearly not posing for the portrait as he’s supposed to, but it’s alright because Renjun knows there’s no way he’s getting any painting done right now. Instead he simply stares at the white space before him, hoping it will swallow him up.</p><p>Then Donghyuck speaks again. </p><p>“Remember that time we kissed?”</p><p>Renjun chokes on his own spit, hitting himself in the chest as his cheeks flush a deep red. His eyes dart uneasily to the doorway, where two of Donghyuck’s guards stand watch. They’re far enough away that they probably can’t hear the conversation, but still. Shouldn’t they be more careful?</p><p>“Of course I remember,” he finally coughs out, embarrassed. “That was my first kiss after all.”</p><p>Donghyuck <em> giggles </em> then, and the sound sends Renjun straight back to the days of his youth when it was all he ever thought about. Something tells him he’ll be thinking about it for a while after this, as well. </p><p>“Me, too,” Donghyuck says, soft. Renjun sort of wants to die, sort of wants to say something dumb so that Donghyuck will laugh again. He’s contemplating his existence when Donghyuck suddenly sits up straight, an idea striking him.</p><p>Renjun feels his stomach turn. He knows that look - it’s the same look Donghyuck used to give him right before dragging him into something stupid and dangerous. </p><p>“Hey...” Donghyuck grins and Renjun gulps, preparing for the worst. “Wanna do it again?”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>JUNE 22, 2013</em> </b>
</p><p>It’s late and Renjun knows his mother will come to collect him at any moment, but Donghyuck is dragging him out to the gardens, and he’s never been one to say no to Donghyuck.</p><p>“Hyuck, slow down,” Renjun complains as he stumbles over the dirt path. “Where are we going? It’s already getting dark.” He’s not one to say no, but that doesn’t mean he has to go quietly. </p><p>Donghyuck doesn’t respond. Instead he tightens his grip on Renjun’s wrist and pulls him through hedges, past flower patches and under trees. Eventually they make it to a hidden sort of cove Renjun’s never seen before. It’s beautiful - a small space tucked under the cover of trees, surrounded by colorful foliage. </p><p>The tense grip on his wrist is released. Renjun rubs absentmindedly at the skin there, feeling at once relieved to be free and nostalgic for the touch. He eyes Donghyuck carefully.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” he asks, wary. </p><p>“This place is secret,” Donghyuck finally says, though it’s not an answer to his question. Instead the prince flits around distractedly, looking anywhere but at Renjun. “I come here sometimes when I don’t wanna be found.”</p><p>Though there’s certainly a lot of interesting things to look at here, Renjun recognizes stalling when he hears it. He tries again, gentler this time. “Donghyuck, what’s wrong?”</p><p>It feels like eons before he answers. When he does, he sounds smaller than Renjun ever thought possible. </p><p>“I overheard Father talking to Johnny hyung,” he nearly whispers. “They’re trying to set him up with some aristocrat’s daughter.”</p><p>Renjun blinks. “Oh,” he says. This certainly isn’t what he expected. </p><p>“Hyung seemed upset,” Donghyuck continues, worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth. “But he didn’t even argue. He just accepted it. It’s not fair, Junnie, he should be allowed to date whoever he wants.”</p><p>“Yeah…” Renjun nods slowly, unsure how to respond. He can sense that this is really bothering Donghyuck - and why wouldn’t it? He looks up to his older brother and loves him fiercely. However, they've both always known that as the crown prince, Johnny is expected to follow his parents’ plans. This is nothing new, no matter how unfortunate. </p><p>A moment of tense silence passes and suddenly Donghyuck is stepping closer, taking both of Renjun’s hands in his own. </p><p>“Injunnie,” he says, voice soft and… timid?</p><p>Renjun gulps, caught off guard by this shy and hesitant version of his normally boisterous friend. </p><p>“Hyu—”</p><p>He’s cut off by the soft press of lips to his own. Shocked, Renjun freezes in place before shyly pressing back, eyes squeezed shut. </p><p>It’s his first kiss. His heart is beating rapidly in his chest and it’s awkward; neither of them are moving and his hands are sweating and Donghyuck’s lips feel chapped and rough against his. They stand there, as if fixed in time, for what feels like an eternity before a voice rings out through the gardens. </p><p>
  <em> “Huang Renjun, it’s time to go home! Come out from wherever you’re hiding!” </em>
</p><p>Renjun pulls back abruptly, face red and lips quivering. “Th-that’s my mom,” he says, though his companion knows this fact as well as he does. Donghyuck is staring at him with an unreadable expression, something akin to fear and hope and embarrassment all mixed into one. </p><p>He nods and releases Renjun’s hands. </p><p>“See you, Injunnie,” he says. </p><p>Renjun nods and turns to leave, but stops for a moment, biting his lip in thought. </p><p>“Bye,” he says, and quickly presses a kiss to Donghyuck’s flushed cheek. He makes his escape shortly afterwards, but he doesn’t miss the way Donghyuck’s eyes shine and his lips turn upwards in a smile. His heart flutters. </p><p>On the way back home, he thinks about what Donghyuck had said, and how upset he’d looked as he dragged him off to his hiding place. He thinks about Donghyuck kissing him and the way his face lit up when they said goodbye. </p><p>He thinks about the vulnerable sound of Donghyuck’s voice, like he was <em> scared, </em>and wonders if maybe this was never about Johnny at all. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>APRIL 7, 2018</em> </b>
</p><p>Donghyuck presses his hands into Renjun’s hips, pinning him against the shelves lining the wall. Renjun’s head knocks into something and it falls to the floor with a <em> clang. </em>It’s too dark in the storage room to see what it was - not that it matters. </p><p>“<em>Ouch, </em>Hyuck,” Renjun whisper-whines, a pout lining his lips. “Be careful, someone might hear us.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Donghyuck says with a meek smile. Apparently unconcerned with the noise he’s just caused, he leans in to kiss the pout off of Renjun’s face. Renjun grumbles but melts into the kiss easily, arms slung over Donghyuck’s shoulders. </p><p>They’ve been finding themselves like this a lot lately, ever since Donghyuck brought up kissing three days ago. Renjun isn’t sure what it means - if it’s some kind of rebellious move on Donghyuck’s part or if there’s real feelings involved or what - but he isn’t about to question it. Instead he pushes down the anxious bubbling in his gut and allows Donghyuck to kiss him however he pleases, whenever he pleases. Which is apparently rather frequently. </p><p>Donghyuck licks into his mouth, pressing impossibly close, and Renjun feels his whole body heat up in embarrassment and pleasure. His fingers curl around the back of Donghyuck’s head, clinging to his hair for support. He lets out an embarrassed whine as Donghyuck’s body shifts against him. The sensation is almost too much to bear. </p><p>Renjun’s not used to doing things like this. In fact, he’s only kissed one other boy since that fateful day in the royal gardens, and he hasn’t done much more than that. Getting hot and heavy in a closet with someone he’s not even dating isn’t very typical of him, but this isn’t just <em> any </em> someone. This is Donghyuck. Donghyuck, who is captivating and warm and familiar. Donghyuck, who has always managed to completely take over Renjun’s mind and heart with very little effort. </p><p>It’s easy to get lost in Donghyuck’s, well, everything. Donghyuck is a siren and he’s dragging Renjun deeper and deeper underwater. The depths are so enticing, so pleasant, that Renjun doesn’t even realize he’s drowning. </p><p>Donghyuck slips a hand up Renjun’s shirt and Renjun lets out a tiny gasp. The sound is quickly swallowed by another kiss, and then another. They’re cut short, however, by the sound of two voices lingering outside the door. Renjun freezes and strains his ears, careful not to make any sudden movements. </p><p>“Have you seen Prince Donghyuck? He’s supposed to be sitting for his portrait right now, but he snuck off somewhere,” the first voice says. </p><p>“Again?” There's an exasperated sigh, and Renjun has to hold back a chuckle. “Why don’t you guys keep a better eye on him? Isn’t that your job?”</p><p>“We’re sorry, Sir. Of course we’re watching him, but you know the Young Master. He can be rather… slippery.”</p><p>At this, Renjun lets out a full snicker, head bowing forward and colliding with Donghyuck’s forehead.</p><p><em> “Ow, watch it!” </em> Donghyuck complains. Renjun laughs again and reaches out to caress Donghyuck’s head, but elbows one of the shelves in the process. Another unidentifiable object makes a <em> clang </em> as it hits the ground.</p><p>Donghyuck and Renjun stare at each other, halfway between amusement and apprehension, then at the door. </p><p>“......Excuse me for a moment,” the second voice says, and they hear the telltale sounds of footsteps. Seconds later the door is flung open and Donghyuck’s personal butler, Doyoung, stares at them with a blank expression. </p><p>For a moment they simply stare back, unsure of what level of trouble they’re in. The way Renjun sees it, this could either be really bad or no big deal. Doyoung’s worked for the royal family for ages, and he knows Renjun well (or at least he used to); there’s no way he’d sell them out, right?</p><p>Doyoung eyes their current position with disdain, and sighs. </p><p>“I’m going to pretend I don’t understand what’s going on here,” he says, running a tired hand over his face. “Prince Donghyuck—”</p><p>Before Doyoung can finish his sentence, Donghyuck is grabbing onto Renjun’s wrist and pulling. The two of them dart past Doyoung and out of the closet, giggling like children the whole way down the hall. </p><p>By the time they make it back to where they’re supposed to be, Renjun is out of breath. He returns to his painting only after exchanging a few shy glances with Donghyuck. </p><p>Renjun paints Donghyuck’s smile a little bit bigger, his own kiss-swollen lips locked in a grin for the remainder of the day.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>MAY 11, 2011</em> </b>
</p><p>Renjun shuffles his feet uncomfortably, staring at the ground. “It’s not much,” he says. “Sorry.”</p><p>“Are you kidding me?!” Donghyuck looks around the room in awe, eyes bright and heels bouncing. “I love it. It’s so… Renjunish.” He picks up one of Renjun’s stray stuffed animals and pats it on the head before placing it back down. Renjun’s cheeks redden; maybe he should have put away his old kiddie toys. </p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks. </p><p>Donghyuck shrugs. “Dunno. But it feels like your room. My room doesn’t feel like my room. It just feels big and empty and, like, blah. You know?”</p><p>Renjun nods slowly. He doesn’t <em> really </em> know, but he thinks he understands. Still, he can’t help but feel self conscious about his bedroom. Donghyuck may be one of his best friends, but he’s also a <em> prince, </em>and Renjun is just Renjun. He’s plain, boring. </p><p>His room being “Renjunish” is almost certainly not a good thing. </p><p>Still, they manage to have fun nonetheless. They play with all of Renjun’s toys, draw some pictures, and watch lots of television. Donghyuck reveals that he’s never had a playdate at someone else’s house before. He also reveals that he’s never seen a single episode of <em> Spongebob</em>, which is so scandalizing to a young Renjun that they end up marathoning it all night. </p><p>When it’s time for Donghyuck to leave, neither of them want him to go. </p><p>“Please, can’t we have a sleepover?” Renjun begs his mom, hands clasped in a desperate plea. </p><p>“I’m sorry, sweetie,” she says. “Prince Donghyuck needs to go back to the castle where he’s protected. But I’ll bring you there to play again soon, alright?”</p><p>“Fine,” Renjun pouts, crossing his arms in a huff. </p><p>“Prince Donghyuck, let’s go,” Doyoung, Donghyuck’s escort for the day, hurries him along. Before hopping into the car, however, Donghyuck leans in to whisper into Renjun’s ear. </p><p>“I had fun,” he says. “I totally wanna come here again. If they don’t let me, I’ll sneak in your window!”</p><p>And then he’s gone, whisked away by Doyoung before Renjun can even answer. But in the years that follow, he makes a habit of watching his window at night. He keeps his ears peeled for any sounds from below, just in case Donghyuck makes good on his offer. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>DECEMBER 19, 2014</em> </b>
</p><p>A pebble hits the glass of Renjun’s bedroom window with a <em> clink.  </em></p><p>He turns over in his bed so that he’s lying on his other side, and ignores it. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>APRIL 9, 2018</em> </b>
</p><p>It’s nearly midnight when Renjun is startled awake, the sound of someone tapping on his window pulling him out of his dream. For a moment he’s not sure if he’s still dreaming or not, hazy images of a young prince blending in with the dark reality of his bedroom. He shifts and groans, squinting through the darkness to find the source of the sound. </p><p>Another tap, rhythmic and purposeful. Renjun cautiously peels his covers away and walks towards his window. </p><p>There’s a figure standing below, face shrouded under a hood and holding a long branch like it’s a sword. It takes Renjun only five seconds to recognize him. </p><p>He opens the window. “What the fuck are you doing here?” he whispers. “<em>How </em>are you here?”</p><p>“I’m slippery, remember?” Donghyuck calls back. He sounds much too casual given the circumstances. “Are you gonna let me up, or are you going to leave me hanging like you did when we were fourteen?”</p><p>Renjun buries the sting of that comment deep down where he can deal with it later. “Just—god, you’re ridiculous. Hold on.”</p><p>He quickly pulls on a jacket and tip toes down the stairs, careful not to wake his mother. A few minutes later and Donghyuck is in his room, branch discarded but hood still pulled tight over his face. </p><p>“You got rid of the pebble garden outside,” he sighs, collapsing onto Renjun’s bed as if it’s his own. “I had to improvise. This room hasn’t changed at all, though.”</p><p>It’s late and Renjun is tired and Donghyuck’s careful gaze is making him self-conscious. He kicks a dirty sweater under his bed, suddenly aware of how dingy his room looks. “Yeah, well,” he shrugs. </p><p>Donghyuck doesn’t say anything more. He seems adamant on making a nest for himself in Renjun’s bed, slipping under the covers and kicking his shoes off.</p><p>“Hyuck…” Renjun starts, brow furrowing. “Why are you here?” </p><p>“Mm,” Donghyuck grunts from where he’s wrapped himself in a blanket burrito. “I can’t come visit my best friend?”</p><p>There are many things wrong with that question, but Renjun latches onto one aspect: “We’re best friends?”</p><p>Donghyuck hesitates. “We were.”</p><p>The air in the room is suffocating. Renjun sighs and takes a seat on the bed, next to Donghyuck’s tiny form. “Donghyuck,” he says, soft. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>Because something must be wrong, for him to come all the way out here. Renjun doesn’t even know how he managed to escape from his guards, how he even remembered where Renjun lives, how he thought <em> this </em>was the safest place to show up in the middle of the night. Worry bites at his insides, making his stomach churn and heart beat fast. He reaches out to brush Donghyuck’s bangs from his face, and that’s when he notices. </p><p>Donghyuck freezes. “It’s nothing,” he says, turning away and tightening his hood. “I… fell.”</p><p>Renjun feels fear and rage starting to bubble up within him, and he yanks on Donghyuck’s shoulder until he’s facing him again. He cups his face in his hands, tender but firm, and stares at the black bruise forming on his cheekbone. </p><p>“You did not,” he says, voice shaking in anger. “Who did this to you?”</p><p>Donghyuck ducks his head, trying but failing to pull away from Renjun’s gaze. “It doesn’t matter,” he whispers. “I’m fine.”</p><p>“Donghyuck.”</p><p>“I said I’m fine, Injunnie.”</p><p>
  <em> “Donghyuck—” </em>
</p><p>“My dad, okay?!” Donghyuck raises his voice, and Renjun freezes. For a moment he worries that his mother may have woken up, but the house remains silent and still around them. “Can we please just sleep? I’m tired.”</p><p>Renjun feels his heart begin to shatter, for who could ever hurt someone as bright and kind as Lee Donghyuck? Underneath the flowering bruise he can see the tired eyes of a boy forced to grow up too fast, forced to be many things he’s not. Forced to find refuge in the dimly lit room of someone he hasn’t confided in in years. Resigning himself to the prince’s wishes, Renjun lays down next to Donghyuck, pulling the covers over them both. </p><p>“I’m sorry, Hyuckie,” he whispers, reaching up to pet Donghyuck’s head. He hopes Donghyuck knows what he means, that he regrets the way things fizzled out between them. “For everything."</p><p>Donghyuck doesn’t respond, instead snuggling closer and taking Renjun’s hand in his. They fall asleep with fingers entwined, Donghyuck’s face tucked gingerly into Renjun’s shoulder. </p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p> </p><p>
  <b><em>JULY 15, 2016</em> </b>
</p><p>Renjun is sixteen when he gets his first boyfriend. His name is Yukhei, and he’s handsome and sweet and showers Renjun with affection. At first it’s embarrassing, but as time goes on Renjun grows appreciative of the doting. It’s nice having someone wrapped around his finger. It makes him feel special, wanted. And he feels comfortable with Yukhei - can tell him anything, knows he’ll drop what he’s doing for him if he’s needed. It’s not love, but it’s probably the closest he’s ever gotten.</p><p>“Did you see on the news?” Yukhei asks, arm slung around Renjun’s shoulders. They’re sitting on the couch, watching television as Renjun’s mother cooks them dinner. “I totally knew the prince was into guys.”</p><p>Renjun nearly chokes on his own spit, cheeks flushing impossibly red. “What?” he splutters. He shuffles uncomfortably in his seat, desperately hoping Yukhei doesn’t pick up on how fast his heart is beating. </p><p>“Prince Donghyuck,” Yukhei continues, and the name sounds wrong and foreign in his mouth. “Everyone’s talking about how he got caught with a boy. One of the castle staff, I think. People are in an uproar about it.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Renjun lets himself imagine Donghyuck dating a castle worker - is it someone he knows? - for only a moment. But the thought of Donghyuck sneaking around with someone sends memories of stolen kisses and hushed giggles rushing to the forefront of his mind. He remembers Donghyuck in the secret garden, looking so scared at the thought of having to be with someone his parents dictate. He swallows with some difficulty, his throat suddenly thick with worry. </p><p>“It’s not surprising, but I hope he’s alright. It’s kinda bullshit how people are reacting. Saying a prince shouldn’t be in such a scandalous relationship and all. I mean the kid’s our age, right? Give him a break!”</p><p>Renjun can only nod. Any attempt at words and he’s almost certain he’ll be found out, that somehow Yukhei will know he and Donghyuck used to be close.</p><p><em> Used to be. </em>It’s been a few years since they’ve communicated, now. Renjun hasn’t seen Donghyuck in ages and yet the mere thought of him sends his heart racing, a pang of something like hurt or longing in his chest. Renjun is sixteen and he’s happy with Yukhei, but part of him wonders if whatever he and Donghyuck once shared shouldn’t have been cast away so easily. </p><p>Maybe Donghyuck, not Yukhei, is the closest he’s ever been to being in love. </p><p>“Baobei?” Yukhei looks at him with concern in his big, round eyes, and Renjun feels guilt wash over him. “You okay?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he breathes. He leans closer into Yukhei’s chest and sends him a soft smile. Yukhei is sweet, and Renjun likes him very much. “Yeah.”</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>APRIL 12, 2018</em> </b>
</p><p>Renjun and his mother are told not to come around for a few days, and Renjun knows it must be because of the bruise on Donghyuck’s face and his family’s desire to keep it hidden. When they are finally allowed to return, it’s faded to a sickly sort of green that is more easily covered up with makeup. But Renjun knows it’s there, knows what it implies, and that’s not easily forgotten. </p><p>He’s actually trying to paint today. After almost a week of messing around, Renjun figures he should probably get some substantial work done on the portrait before he gets in trouble for taking too long. </p><p>Unfortunately, Donghyuck doesn’t seem to want to cooperate. </p><p>“Hey,” he calls out from his chair, shifting to face Renjun. “I’m bored. Wanna go make out somewhere until Doyoung hyung finds us again?”</p><p>Renjun blushes, but quickly schools his expression into something more serious. “No, Hyuck,” he says with a sigh. “Turn to the left; you moved and it’s fucking me up.”</p><p>Donghyuck whines and turns to the right, instead. Renjun lets out a sound of frustration and narrows his eyes into a glare. </p><p>“Why are you being so boring!” Donghyuck pouts. “Come onnnn, let’s go have some fun. You know you want to!”</p><p>And he does. He wants nothing more than to kiss Donghyuck until his lips fall off, but he’s worried. Ever since the other night, something’s been off. It doesn’t feel right kissing Donghyuck when it could very well be the reason for that bruise. Of course he doesn’t <em> know </em>why the king decided to hit him, but he’s not stupid. He knows enough about Donghyuck’s family dynamics that he can make an educated guess. </p><p>Donghyuck isn’t stupid either. He notices the shift in Renjun’s mood immediately, and frowns. </p><p>“Renjun,” he starts, slowly. “You’ve been acting all weird since the other night. If this is about the thing with my dad, I <em> told </em> you, I’m <em> fine—” </em></p><p>“You’re not,” Renjun interrupts him. He’s surprised to find that his voice is wavering, anger and worry already getting the best of him. “It’s not fine. I don’t want you to get hurt again.”</p><p>Donghyuck looks torn between telling him off and making a joke. He settles for somewhere in between: “Well you refusing to kiss me is hurting me,” he says, crossing his arms. “So ha.”</p><p>“Donghyuck,” Renjun groans, pulling at his hair in frustration. “This is serious. Was it Doyoung-ssi?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Did he tell the king about… about us?”</p><p>“What? No,” Donghyuck frowns again. “Doyoung hyung may be grumpy but he’s actually cool; he’d never do that. This literally isn’t about you, Renjun. I’m just a fuck up, okay? That’s why he hit me. You don’t have to worry about it.”</p><p>Renjun doesn’t believe Donghyuck one bit. “You’re not,” he repeats, shaking his head indignantly. “You’re not a fuck up. Did he hit you after you got caught with that staff member, too?”</p><p>Donghyuck freezes. “Wait, you mean Mark? You knew about that…?”</p><p><em> Mark. </em>Renjun wishes the sound of Donghyuck saying someone else’s name didn’t hurt so much. </p><p>“The whole country knew about that, Donghyuck.”</p><p>“Oh. Right.” He shifts uncomfortably, suddenly avoiding Renjun’s eyes. “I mean, that doesn’t matter. That was forever ago now.”</p><p>The lack of a direct answer is enough to confirm Renjun’s suspicions. He feels his heart sink at the thought of a young Donghyuck, having fun with someone he likes and getting punished for it. That sadness outweighs any resentment he may have felt at hearing him speak Mark’s name. </p><p>“Do you still like him?” he asks, voice quiet. </p><p>Donghyuck narrows his eyes. “Why, are you jealous?”</p><p>“No… Forget it. It’s none of my business.” He stares straight ahead at the half finished portrait, refusing to meet his gaze. </p><p>“He got fired,” Donghyuck finally says. “Mark. He worked in the kitchen, but after uh, everything, he had to move back home. He never contacted me again.”</p><p>
  <em> Well, shit. </em>
</p><p>“Oh,” Renjun says. He chances a sheepish glance up at Donghyuck. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“It’s fine.” Donghyuck waves his hand dismissively, then stares straight at Renjun. “It wasn’t the first time my crush ghosted me.”</p><p>
  <em> Double shit.  </em>
</p><p>Renjun’s face is suddenly on fire, and he feels sick with guilt and jealousy and fear and so many other overwhelming emotions. Not to mention the weird fluttering feeling that erupts in his gut at being called Donghyuck’s “crush” - if that is, in fact, what he’s implying. Renjun casts his eyes down to the floor, unable to deny him any longer. </p><p>“Let me at least finish the details on your clothes,” he mumbles after what feels like eons. “...Then you can have your kisses.”</p><p>Donghyuck doesn’t respond anymore after that. But judging by how willingly he gets back into position, posture poised and smile wide, he’s satisfied with Renjun’s answer. </p><p>
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</p><p> </p><p>
  <b><em>OCTOBER 2, 2012</em> </b>
</p><p>“What are you drawing?”</p><p>The question startles Renjun so badly that he drops his sketchbook, pencil clattering to the ground with it. He looks up at the crown prince, eyes wide. It’s not often that he interacts with Johnny - his time in the castle is normally reserved for Donghyuck. </p><p>Johnny laughs and reaches down to pick up Renjun’s things. “Sorry,” he says, plopping down on the floor across from him, legs crossed. Renjun watches nervously as Johnny makes no move to give the sketchbook back. Instead, he examines the drawings within, a mischievous smile on his face as he flips through the pages.</p><p>“Um,” Renjun starts, fingers itching to make a grab for the book. “Your Highness— that’s—”</p><p>“Your highness?” Johnny snorts. “Renjun, please, just call me hyung.” His smile grows into a full on grin. “You’ll probably be my little brother one day, anyway.”</p><p>“Um, okay h-hyung,” Renjun tries, his cheeks burning red. “What do you mean…?”</p><p>Johnny laughs again, waving the sketchbook between them. Renjun so badly wants to reach out and snatch it, but his discomfort with this whole situation has him frozen in place. </p><p>“These are really good,” Johnny says. “You draw him a lot, huh? You must really like him.”</p><p>Renjun thinks it’s a bit unfair of Johnny to single out Donghyuck, because while he does draw him a lot, he draws plenty of other people, too! Just because this particular sketchbook happens to be full of Donghyuck scribbles...</p><p>“He’s my friend,” he splutters, not sure he’s fully understanding Johnny’s teasing. </p><p>“Ah, to be young and in love,” Johnny sighs. And <em> now </em>Renjun understands, the blush on his cheeks deepening. </p><p>“Hyung, I’m not in love, I’m twelve,” he protests. </p><p>“Love knows no age, little man,” Johnny smiles. “For what it’s worth, Hyuckie definitely likes you, too.”</p><p>Renjun can’t help it - his heart jumps a little in his chest. “He… he does?”</p><p>Johnny bursts out laughing at the hopeful sound of Renjun’s voice. He reaches out to ruffle his hair, then finally deposits the sketchbook into his lap. </p><p>“Why don’t you ask him?” Johnny gestures towards the palace library, where Donghyuck is currently having his private tutoring lesson. “He should be about done in there. Which means it’s my turn to hit the books. Catch you later, Renjun.”</p><p>He’s gone before Renjun can even say goodbye, leaving him with a racing heart and warm cheeks. </p><p>
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</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>APRIL 15, 2018</em> </b>
</p><p>If Renjun thought seeing Donghyuck again was awkward, it’s nothing compared to seeing Johnny. The gangly teen he once knew is now a handsome, dignified man fit for leading a country, and Renjun is properly intimidated. </p><p>“Renjun? Is that Huang Renjun I see?”</p><p>Johnny greets him with a too-powerful clap on the back that nearly sends him stumbling. Renjun bows awkwardly, not meeting Johnny’s eyes. They were never very close, and he was never quite sure how to behave around him. He still isn’t.</p><p>“No, no, none of that,” Johnny protests. “I’m your hyung, remember? It’s been forever, though. Look at you! You grew up!”</p><p>“Erm, yeah,” Renjun blushes and scratches at the back of his head. “Good to see you, hyung.”</p><p>Johnny grins and takes a seat at the table, gesturing for Renjun to join him. “What can I do ya for?” he asks cheerfully. </p><p>They’re alone in the meeting room, save for two guards who flank the doorway. Renjun recognizes one of them as a young guard in training named Jeno, who had helped him and Donghyuck sneak away together multiple times over the last few weeks. He feels himself relax a bit - this is an audience he can handle. </p><p>“Uh, well,” Renjun breathes uneasily. “I need advice. And I didn’t… know who else to go to. I’m sorry, I know this is really weird, especially since we haven’t seen each other in so long.”</p><p>Johnny leans back in his chair, expression suddenly serious. “Ah,” he says. “Don’t worry, Renjun, advice is what big brothers are for. Is this about Donghyuck?”</p><p>He should have known that it’d be obvious, but Renjun still feels his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. He nods and stares down at his lap, unsure why he thought this would be a good idea. </p><p>“I’m just. I’m worried about him.”</p><p>There’s a full thirty seconds of silence as Johnny takes in Renjun’s expression, his tone, his body language. After what feels like an eternity, he lets out a tired sigh. “...so you noticed.”</p><p>Renjun nods. </p><p>“Renjun…” Johnny starts, “I’m worried about him, too, but… but this is his battle. I mean, it’s not just him, but he gets the worst of it. Because he’s braver than me. You know how Hyuck is; he refuses to stand down when he truly believes in something. Even if he knows it’s a bad idea. I don’t know if he’s brilliant or stupid, to be honest.”</p><p>“Both,” Renjun mumbles, and Johnny laughs a little. </p><p>“He’s struggling, but he’s okay,” he continues. “Father cares too much about public images to really go to town on his own son. And when he’s older, he won’t have to worry about it anymore.”</p><p>Renjun understands what Johnny is saying, knows that there’s not really anything he can do to stop the abuse, but it still doesn’t sit right with him. </p><p>“I’m afraid that I might be part of the reason for it,” he admits. </p><p>Johnny quirks a brow, tilting his head to the side inquisitively. “And why is that?”</p><p>“Well… we’ve been…” Renjun tries to will away the blush creeping up his neck and keeps his gaze concentrated on his lap. He coughs awkwardly. “Sneaking around. I thought maybe someone found out.”</p><p>“Sneaking around? Doing what?”</p><p>It takes only five seconds of silence and Renjun’s intense blushing for Johnny to sleuth it out. </p><p>“Oh my god. That little brat! He never tells me anything anymore!” Johnny sounds halfway between extremely scandalized and extremely pleased. Renjun isn’t sure which is more embarrassing. “So you’re worried someone told my father about it. It’s possible, I suppose. Have you been caught?”</p><p>Renjun nods again, finally looking up to sheepishly meet Johnny’s eyes. “Doyoung-ssi caught us once, but Donghyuck said he’d never tell.”</p><p>“Nah, he wouldn’t. He cares about Donghyuck. Besides, he’s too busy making eyes at Mr. Moon to judge whatever you two get up to.”</p><p>“Wait, what? Mr. Moon the music teacher? He still works here?” Renjun has to admit he didn’t see that one coming. </p><p>“It’s not your fault, Renjun,” Johnny continues, completely throwing the Doyoung thing aside. “My parents both already know that Donghyuck is gay. They may not be happy about it, but that’s not something that’s just going to change. Donghyuck won’t pretend to be something he’s not, and they won’t suddenly accept him for who he is, whether you two are dating or not.”</p><p><em> Dating. </em>Is that what they are? Renjun honestly has no idea. Butterflies erupt in his stomach at the thought, and he casts his eyes back down to his lap. </p><p>“Thanks, hyung,” he says, though Johnny’s words offer only a little comfort. “Um… there’s one more thing...”</p><p>Johnny doesn’t respond, instead simply motioning for Renjun to continue. Renjun blushes again, teeth worrying at his bottom lip. </p><p>“I’m still not sure if he… likes me,” he says. “Or if he’s trying to be rebellious, or he’s just bored or… I don’t know.”</p><p>This seems to catch Johnny’s attention more than anything else so far. He suddenly leans forward on the table, hands clapping against the wood and startling Renjun into eye contact. Johnny looks at him with such ferocity that it feels like he’s staring straight into his soul. Renjun gulps. </p><p>“Renjun,” Johnny sighs, heavy and fond. “When you stopped visiting the castle, Donghyuck was devastated.” He speaks slowly, as if delivering a Shakespearean monologue. Renjun listens as if he were watching one. “He’d ask your mom every time she came around where you were, until it became clear that you didn’t want to come anymore. He cried for months when he realized you were avoiding him. He even snuck out at night trying to find you, to ask what he did wrong. Why didn’t you say goodbye?”</p><p>And here comes the guilt, the regret, crashing over him in waves so deep he feels he might drown. He can hear the disappointment in Johnny’s voice, the subtle warning of an older brother who wants nothing more than to protect his family. Renjun knows that he’s caused a lot of hurt. Not just to Donghyuck, but to Johnny as well. And he feels awful for it. Does he even deserve to be here right now?</p><p>“I… I was scared,” Renjun responds, voice quiet and broken. “I’m sorry, hyung. I was so scared. Things were changing between us back then and I didn’t want it to be ruined. There was no chance of us being together for real. I thought it’d be easier to end things before it all fell apart.”</p><p>It sounds like a sorry excuse even to his own ears, but it’s the truth. Renjun was young and dumb and running away seemed like the best option at the time. Now he knows that it wasn’t. </p><p>“Says who?”</p><p>He’s taken aback by the response - he’d been expecting Johnny to chew him out, to confirm that this is Donghyuck’s sick sort of revenge or something. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Who said there was no chance of you being together?” Johnny clarifies. “Why couldn’t you be?”</p><p>Renjun furrows his brow. </p><p>“Hyung, that’s… you know why,” he answers slowly. “Hyuck is a <em> prince; </em>I’m just some no-name painter’s son. Plus, we’re both boys. There’s no way anyone would allow us to be together, not in that way.”</p><p>Johnny stares at him for a moment. Then he lets out a long, grievous sigh. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you this,” he says, “But I think you should know. There’s talk of Father setting up a meeting between Donghyuck and a foreign Princess. I think reaching out to you again is his last ditch effort to relive his first love before it’s too late.”</p><p>Renjun feels his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. Never mind Johnny calling him Donghyuck’s first love - all he can think about is that day with Donghyuck in the garden. So the time has finally come… does that make him Donghyuck’s last hurrah? His metaphorical bachelor party before being forced into a loveless marriage?</p><p>“And then what?” He suddenly finds himself shaking, anger and hurt and sadness boiling over and spilling into his speech. “After I finish the painting, I leave and he just… goes on to marry some Princess? What’s the point of all this, then?”</p><p>Johnny speaks calmly, softly. “It doesn’t have to end that way.”</p><p>“What do you mean? How?” It’s Renjun’s turn to slam his hands down on the table between them, eyes locking with Johnny’s in a desperate plea. </p><p>“He won’t marry her if you ask him not to,” Johnny says. “Donghyuck may be the prince, but you’re the one with all the power here, Renjun.”</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Exhaustion has settled deep into Renjun’s bones by the time he returns to pack up his painting supplies. He expects the room to be empty, cleared out hours ago after he’d finished painting for the day, but as he walks in he’s surprised to see Donghyuck standing there. </p><p>“You’re still here,” Donghyuck says, turning around to give Renjun a curious look. By the looks of it, he was examining his own portrait - now almost complete. “I thought you left.”</p><p>Renjun offers Donghyuck a shrug and a small smile. He’s tired, his conversation with Johnny leaving too many lingering emotions and pestering thoughts. </p><p>“Just about to leave,” he says. He begins packing up his materials as Donghyuck watches quietly. </p><p>Or not so quietly. “Sooooo,” he says, bouncing slightly on his heels. “What were you doing? Did you come to give me a goodbye kiss?”</p><p>Renjun pauses. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath. “Hyuck, I need to talk to you about something.”</p><p>The atmosphere instantly shifts. Donghyuck frowns, worry lining his delicate features, and glances over at his entourage of guards. </p><p>“Okay…” he says, and Renjun can hear the uneasiness in his voice. “Should we go somewhere more private…?”</p><p>Renjun nods and gently grabs a hold of Donghyuck’s wrist. Without saying another word, he leads the prince out of the room and down the halls. Somewhere along the way Donghyuck intertwines their fingers, and soon enough they’re standing hand in hand in the gardens. </p><p>“Injunnie,” Donghyuck starts, cautious. “What is this about?”</p><p>It’s not the same secret garden alcove from all those years ago (Renjun couldn’t navigate this maze of a garden even if he had a map), but it’ll do. He takes another deep, shaky breath and turns to face Donghyuck. </p><p>“Lee Donghyuck,” Renjun says, taking Donghyuck’s other hand in his. “I am so, so sorry.”</p><p>Donghyuck narrows his eyes. “For what—”</p><p>“Shut up, I’m not done,” Renjun interrupts, and Donghyuck surprisingly <em> does.</em> Neither of them mention the fact that he’s just told a prince to shut up - such things have never been important between them, anyway. </p><p>“I was a coward and a jerk and I hurt you, and I’m sorry,” Renjun continues. “The truth is, I liked you so much back then. Um, I <em> still </em> like you so much, but I’ve never felt good enough for you. You’re a <em> prince</em>, and you're <em> you, </em> and I’m just me. I thought you’d be better off with someone else, someone richer or hotter or—or I don’t know, braver—but I shouldn’t have run away like that. I didn’t mean to abandon you. You’ve been through so much and you’re my best friend and I wasn’t there—I just <em> left </em>and I’m so, so sorry.”</p><p>Renjun wouldn’t describe himself as an apologetic person. He feels remorse for things, of course, but it’s often difficult for him to express it sincerely. This, however, is important, and he’ll apologize to Donghyuck over and over again if it means repairing the damage he’s caused. </p><p>For a few moments, Donghyuck simply stares. It isn’t until he feels him squeeze his hands that Renjun notices the tears in his eyes. He blinks in surprise; he can count on one hand the number of times he’s seen Donghyuck cry. </p><p>“Injun, you <em> asshole</em>,” Donghyuck finally responds, breaking free of Renjun’s hands to poke him hard in the chest. “Do you even know how much I missed you? I thought you hated me! I thought I’d grossed you out or something, or that you never wanted to be my friend in the first place. We didn’t see each other for almost five years! You should have just said something!”</p><p>Donghyuck is full-on crying through his words now, and Renjun feels horrible.</p><p>“I know, I’m sorry!” </p><p>“And what the fuck do you mean, not good enough?!” Donghyuck barrels forward. “You’re literally like the only person my age who wasn’t scared of me, you bastard! You’re my best and only real friend! I don’t care if you’re rich or not. You’re kind, and funny, and talented, and hot - don’t fucking argue with me on that one - and I don’t want anyone else but you.”</p><p>Renjun’s heart has been through a lot today, but nothing compares to how it soars out of his chest at Donghyuck’s confession. </p><p>“Really?” he asks, feeling his own eyes begin to well up with tears. “You still want me, after everything I did?”</p><p>Donghyuck takes Renjun’s face in his hands, cupping his cheeks. The gesture is soft, but his fingers feel rough against his cheekbones.</p><p>“Do you promise not to do it again?”</p><p>“I promise,” Renjun answers almost a little too quickly. </p><p>“Then yes,” Donghyuck says. “I want you to be mine forever, Huang Renjun.”</p><p>Renjun is too overwhelmed to give a proper response. Instead he settles for stepping forward, closing the gap between them with a kiss. </p><p>
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</p><p> </p><p>
  <b><em>FEBRUARY 4, 2010</em> </b>
</p><p>Thursdays are Renjun’s favorite days at the palace because Donghyuck has music lessons on Thursdays. At first he wasn’t allowed to join him, but after some obnoxious theatrics from Donghyuck, Renjun was granted access to the illustrious music room. </p><p>It’s a room unlike any other. Renjun’s never seen anything quite like it before - the grand piano alone must cost more than his entire apartment. But despite the room’s grandeur, it feels comfortable. Renjun comes to enjoy his time there, quietly sitting in the corner and drawing while his best friend practices his instruments. </p><p>Donghyuck’s music teacher, Mr. Moon, is a young man with a kind smile and an even kinder heart. He’s quick to include Renjun in his lessons (“Be sure not to tell His Majesty, though, or he may make you start paying for your own lessons!”) and always lets the boys learn what they’re interested in. Renjun starts spending less time watching Donghyuck and more time joining him. </p><p>“Can you teach us a duet, Teacher Moon?” Donghyuck asks, bouncing up and down on the piano bench. “I want to hear Injunnie sing!”</p><p>Renjun blushes and waves his hands in protest. “Oh, no,” he says. “I’m not a good singer like you, Hyuckie. You should sing, and I’ll try the piano.”</p><p>“But you always say that!” Donghyuck whines. Next to him, Mr. Moon laughs. “I want us to sing together this time!”</p><p>“I know a song that’s not too hard to sing,” Mr. Moon gently interjects. “I’m sure it would suit the two of you well. I’ll help you out if you feel nervous, Renjun.”</p><p>He’s nervous, of course he is, but he can’t say no to Mr. Moon’s sweet smile and Donghyuck’s adorable pout. Renjun gives them the tiniest of nods, and Donghyuck throws his arms around him in excitement. </p><p>Donghyuck’s Thursday lessons are only an hour long, and the time flies by quickly. Before Renjun knows it, Doyoung is knocking on the door to the music room and peeking his head inside. </p><p>“Prince Donghyuck,” he calls out. “It’s time for your afternoon snack. I brought enough for Renjun, too. Would you like to eat it in here, or your room?”</p><p>“In here!” Donghyuck nearly tackles Doyoung, making grabby hands at the platter of food in his hand. Doyoung holds it up high and out of his reach, completely unfazed by his young charge’s behavior. “Doyoung hyung, can we show you our song? Mr. Moon taught us a duet!”</p><p>“Sure,” he says. “If you stop climbing on me.”</p><p>Mr. Moon chuckles and moves to ruffle Donghyuck’s hair. “Did you bring some snacks for me, Doyoung hyung?” he teases. </p><p>Doyoung’s eyes narrow, but his lips quirk up ever so slightly. “I’m not your hyung,” he says, rolling his eyes. “But yes. I made your favorite, since I know you never remember to eat lunch.”</p><p>“Wow! My hero!”</p><p>“Hyung, hyung! Our duet!” Donghyuck whines.</p><p>“Alright, I’m listening,” Doyoung says.</p><p>Renjun suddenly feels all eyes on him, and he burns red with embarrassment and nervousness. “D-do we have to perform it? I’m not ready!”</p><p>“Come on, Injunnie! It’s just Doyoung hyung!”</p><p>“Easy for you to say, he’s with you all the time! But I’m…”</p><p>“A chicken?”</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>“I’m Huang Renjun and I’m a chicken—”</p><p>“Donghyuck! Why are you so mean!”</p><p>In a flash the two are wrestling on the floor, pulling at hair and swatting at each other’s clothes. Doyoung looks like he’s about to pop a blood vessel, but Mr. Moon stops him before he can intervene. </p><p>“Let them be. They’re just playing,” he says with a laugh. </p><p>Doyoung lets out a long, tired sigh. “You’re letting them get away with too much.”</p><p>“Aw, come on Doie, lighten up a little! You have to agree they make a good pair, right?” His words can hardly be heard over the children’s shouting, but he looks wholly unconcerned. </p><p>A soft smile blooms onto Doyoung’s face as he watches them, fond. “Yeah,” he says. “They sure do.”</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p> </p><p>
  <b><em>APRIL 20, 2018</em> </b>
</p><p>Renjun knows he’s not supposed to be here. He can tell by Donghyuck’s desperate tone that this isn’t a conversation he should be overhearing, and yet he can’t peel himself away. Instead he lingers outside the doorway, frozen in a mixture of fear and curiosity. </p><p>“Then why did you even let him come here?” Donghyuck cries out. “Why would you entertain the idea if you were just going to shut it down anyway?”</p><p>“You knew our plans. You have always known. We thought this would appease you, since you are so stubborn. But it was always meant to be temporary. It is not my fault you have chosen to get attached.”</p><p>Renjun sucks in a sharp breath. They’re talking about him, he realizes. Donghyuck and the king are talking about him. </p><p>“Well, fuck your plans!” Donghyuck yells, and Renjun feels his heart jump in panic. <em> He’s being reckless again… </em> he thinks. <em> Stupid idiot... </em></p><p>“Donghyuck,” the king scolds. His voice booms through the hall, loud and menacing. Renjun gulps. “How dare you speak to your King that way.”</p><p>“My King? You’re supposed to be my father!”</p><p>Renjun can feel the tension bleeding through the walls. The yelling cuts to heavy silence, and suddenly Renjun pictures the bruise on Donghyuck’s cheek. If he doesn’t do something, the king could—</p><p>Without thinking, Renjun puffs up his chest and saunters into the room, trying his best to seem casual. </p><p>“Excuse me, Your Majesty, but the portrait is nearly finished,” he delivers the words as calmly as he can, bowing to the king as he enters. “If you aren’t too busy, would you come to look it over? I’d like your approval before I put on the finishing touches.”</p><p>Both Donghyuck and his father look completely taken aback by his sudden appearance. Renjun stands his ground, shaking but pretending not to be, as the two men stare at him. </p><p>An eternity passes. </p><p>“...yes, very well,” the king finally responds. It’s clear that he isn’t buying Renjun’s innocent act one bit, but Johnny had been right - he cares too much about his image to do anything that others might see. </p><p>As the three of them make their way to where the painting sits on its easel, Donghyuck laces his fingers with Renjun’s.</p><p><em> “Thank you,” </em>he mouths, behind the king’s back. </p><p>Renjun gives his hand a squeeze, and nods. </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>When Donghyuck shows up at his window that night, Renjun is prepared. He spots him before he even has a chance to alert him to his presence, and is down the stairs in record time. He doesn’t even try to be quiet as they sneak back up to his room. All pretenses have been discarded; there’s no point in hiding anymore. </p><p>“Hyuck,” Renjun sighs, breathless, as he takes Donghyuck’s face in his hands. “Are you okay?”</p><p>His lip is split and he’s got another bruise forming on his face, this time on the opposite side, but he’s smiling. </p><p>“I’m great,” he responds. “So great.”</p><p>And he kisses him. </p><p>Renjun tries to make sense of it all between salty kisses. He knew that as soon as he left the castle, Donghyuck was surely in for a beating, and he’d been sitting anxiously by his window ever since he got home. Judging by the bloody tinge of their kiss, a beating is exactly what Donghyuck got. So why does he look so happy?</p><p>“What happened?” Renjun asks. He gently wipes a speck of blood off of the corner of Donghyuck’s lip. </p><p>“You’ll never believe it,” Donghyuck answers with a wide grin. The smile sends a jolt of longing straight to his heart. He looks so beautiful like this: happy and hopeful. </p><p>“Father was furious, of course,” he continues, “but then Johnny hyung came in and told him off! He was so cool, he was like, ‘If you lay another hand on my little brother, I will make sure the whole country knows how  vile you are.’ Isn’t that badass? And guess what, Doyoung hyung stuck up for us, too! He said we’re a great couple and that he should give us a chance if he ever wants me to do as he says!”</p><p>It’s so much to take in that Renjun can hardly process it. He stands there, eyes wide, heart racing as Donghyuck continues to ramble on and on. </p><p>“I mean, I’m still not going to do what he says. But it got him to agree! He said he’ll let us date so long as it doesn’t interfere with my princely duties! Isn’t that amazing, Injunnie? We can be together for real!”</p><p>Donghyuck is nearly vibrating with excitement. He shakes Renjun’s shoulders, then leans in to place several kisses all over his face. It takes Renjun a good minute to compose himself, and when he finally does, he finds that his eyes are stinging with tears. </p><p>“Donghyuck…” he starts, still a bit dazed. “That’s amazing. I’m so happy for you. I’m so <em> happy.” </em></p><p>He buries his face in Donghyuck’s shoulder, enveloping him in a tight hug. Donghyuck giggles and hugs him back.</p><p>“I love you, Renjun,” he says. </p><p>Renjun lets out a sound that’s half strangled sob, half laughter. “I love you too, Donghyuck,” he says. “So, so much.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b><em>MARCH 19, 2019</em> </b>
</p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em> THE PRINCE'S OWN PRINCE CHARMING? </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> After his scandalous relationship with a castle worker in 2016, many of us thought we wouldn’t hear much more of Prince Donghyuck’s love life. However, early this morning Crown Prince John made an announcement: his little brother is in love! This time, the lucky civilian is a young man named Huang Renjun. The two are reportedly long time childhood friends who have decided to take their relationship to the next level.  </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> When asked why the official statement, Prince John spoke candidly: “Donghyuck has been hurt a lot in the past. He told me he doesn’t want to hide anymore, and we decided that this was the best way to break the news. We hope that everyone will support this relationship and the happiness that it brings to my brother. Renjun is a great guy, and he’s more than worthy of his place next to Donghyuck.” </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> Following the announcement, the nation’s youngest prince was spotted out and about with his alleged beau as the two grabbed coffee at a popular spot on campus. Prince Donghyuck began taking classes at the local university just this past fall, where he is studying music production. An unlikely choice for a prince, but we wish him all the best! </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em> We hope to hear more from both princes soon. See page 4 for Crown Prince John’s take on the latest treaty proposal.  </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Donghyuck slaps the newspaper down on the table with a smile. “Look, Injunnie, you’re famous!”</p><p>Renjun glances at the front page and grimaces. “Really? That’s the photo they chose?” Underneath the headline is a blown up picture of the two of them at the university coffee shop, clad in sweats and baseball caps. Donghyuck looks gorgeous, face lit up with laughter and skin glowing. Next to him, Renjun is mid-snort. His hair hasn’t been brushed in days. </p><p>“Shut up, you look cute,” Donghyuck says with a roll of the eyes. “You’re laughing! I love your laugh.”</p><p>“Can you stop saying shit like that?” Renjun blushes and covers his face with his hands. “You’re so embarrassing.”</p><p>“My cute, cute Injunnie~” Donghyuck sings, smacking a wet kiss onto Renjun’s cheek. “I love you soooooo much, my sweet boyfriend—”</p><p>Renjun tries and fails to pry Donghyuck off of him. “Stop it before I break up with you,” he whines. </p><p>“You wouldn’t!”</p><p>“Fucking <em> watch me</em>.”</p><p>They’re fighting words, but they both know it’s not true. After all, Renjun made a promise. </p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p> </p><p>
  <b><em>SEPTEMBER 10, 2006</em> </b>
</p><p>“So,” Renjun’s mother addresses him as they sit down at the dinner table, ready to relax after a long drive home from the palace. “What do you think of the young prince?”</p><p>Renjun twists his face up in thought. He pictures Donghyuck’s sunny smile, his fluffy hair, and his cool shoes. He thinks about Donghyuck’s excitement as he showed him around his room and the countless promises they’d already made to play together again soon. </p><p>“I like him,” he says with a decisive nod. “I think he’s gonna be real important some day.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>comments and kudos greatly appreciated! [<a href="https://twitter.com/dreamrunmp3">twitter</a>]</p></blockquote></div></div>
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